Love & Friendship in Homer

 

Love & Friendship in Homer

            The goddess Hera knew the power of love and asked Aphrodite, the goddess of love, to grant her request,

“Give me now that affection and longing that you are wont to use to overcome all immortals and mortal men.”

            Homer fully explores the themes of love and friendship in the Iliad and the Odyssey and they become driving forces behind both narratives. He positions romantic love, parental love and compassionate love as powerful motivators that impact both mortals and immortals alike and cause them to act in the ways that they do. These forces enrich Homer’s stories and add an element of basic humanity to his lofty tales about heroes and gods. In the Iliad and the Odyssey we discover characters who are willing to risk everything, including their own lives, for the sake of love. Perhaps Homer has written the greatest love stories of all ages.

            One of the first stories that we are presented with in the Iliad is a love story, the deep devoted love that a father bears for his daughter and the lengths that he is willing to go to prove that love. The maiden Chryseis has been taken as a war-prize and has been given by the Achaeans to King Agamemnon for his pleasure. The girl’s father Chryses, a priest of Phoebus Apollo, risks the wrath of King Agamemnon and approaches him with a significant ransom in an attempt to free his daughter. He is rebuked, rebuffed and repelled by Agamemnon and in his anger and grief for the loss of Chryseis, he calls down a plague upon the Achaeans for the actions of their king. The father and the father’s love prevail and the pestilence is lifted as Agamemnon consents to return the girl. Chryses had risked all for love and love won out in the end. The twist in the plot however is the fact that the return of Chryseis led to the seizure of Briseis and that in turn led to the wrath of Achilles. Love and devotion caused anger and hatred.

            Perhaps the greatest love story in the Iliad, at least the one that shaped the outcome of events more than any other, is the story of the deep relationship between Achilles and his beloved companion Patroclus. The debate has gone on forever as to whether there was a homosexual component to their relationship, but frankly, whether that is true or not is immaterial. It is the death of Patroclus that motivates Achilles to put aside his refusal to engage in the war and to return to battle to avenge his friend’s passing. He tells his mother, who incidentally loves him dearly and intervenes on his behalf several times during the course of the narrative as proof of her parental devotion,

“My mother, the Olympian has brought my prayers to pass but what pleasure is there for me because my dear companion Patroclus has died, he whom I treasured before all my other comrades, even more so than my own life…”

“for my own heart does not bid me to continue on living among men, until such time as Hector is first smitten by my spear and loses his life, as payback for making Patroclus the son of Menoetius a spoil of war.”

            Achilles refers to Hector as “the man who killed the man I loved” and later says that he is the one who “has wounded my heart so deeply and has killed my beloved companion.” The love that Achilles bears for Patroclus is so strong that he orders that after his own death, their bones and ashes be interred together in the same urn so that they can spend eternity with each other. The ghost of Patroclus asked this of Achilles and he readily agreed.

“And I will ask you one more thing, if you will listen, do not bury my bones apart from yours Achilles but lodge them with yours…please allow one coffer to hold our bones, the golden coffer with two handles that your queenly mother gave you.”

Then the swift-footed Achilles answered him. “Why have you come here you beloved head to enjoin me about these things? I will bring all these things to a conclusion and I will do whatever you ask. But come now and stand nearer to me and let us, at least for a little while, comfort each other in our grief.”

            Achilles stormed from his tent encampment, intent on slaying Hector who had killed his beloved companion Patroclus. His hatred for his foe was intense. Hector was a feared warrior and the leader of the Trojan forces, but he was also a man who knew how to love. Homer presents this side of the Dardanian hero in probably the most poignant scene in the entire Iliad. Hector meets his wife Andromache and his son Astyanax on the walls of the city overlooking the battlefield. Andromache begs him not to return to the fray, lest she be left a widow and their son becomes fatherless. Hector tells her that his sense of duty to his family, his people and his city compels him to continue fighting in their defence. He reaches for his son to fondle him and kiss him goodbye, but the child is afraid of Hector’s helmet. He removes it and caresses his son and bids his wife to remain steadfast. The loving husband and father tells her,

“O troubled one, do not grieve much for me in your mind, for no man shall send me down to Hades before my appointed time. I assure you that no man have ever escaped his fate, whether he be good or bad, once his destiny has been determined. But go home and take care of things yourself with both your weaving and spinning and command your maids to go about their work as well. War will be the concern of all the men who have been born in Ilium, but especially me.”

            Not only does Hector love, but he is also much loved. We have seen that his wife Andromache loves him deeply and is concerned for his safety. His mother Hecabe also cares greatly for him, as is clearly borne out by their conversations. Even Helen expresses her admiration for Hector, and Homer tells us that she speaks to him with soothing words and apologizes for all the harm that she has caused him and his people. But Hector is loved most of all by his father King Priam. Priam and Hecabe stood above the gates and begged their son not to do battle with Achilles. They tore their hair, shed many tears and rent their clothing.

The two of them spoke to their dear son, wailing and greatly weeping as they did do, but they were not able to persuade the heart of Hector and he stayed waiting for Achilles as he came nearer with his mightiness.

            Priam has lost many sons but none as dear to him as Hector. He tells the Trojans,

“But I do not grieve so much for all of them but more so for one who has been brought down to the house of Hades and that is Hector. Would that he had perished in my arms, so that we could have had our fill of weeping and wailing, both myself and his mother who bore him most miserably.”

            Hector’s mother Hecabe is devastated as well, as Homer explains,

Hecabe was at the forefront of the wailing of the Trojan women. “Woe is me my child. How shall I live in my sorrow now that you have died? I boasted about you night and day throughout the city and you were a boon to all the men and women of Troy who treated you like a god, for while you were alive you were a source of great glory for them, but now death and fate have befallen you.”

            Then in the most notable example of parental love seen in Homer’s works, we watch as King Priam risks all, including his very life, to travel to the tent of Achilles in the middle of the night to bring the Achaean warrior a rich ransom and to beg for the return of Hector’s body. He throws himself at the knees of Achilles, and touches the face and kisses the hands of the man who has slain his son. Of all his sons, Hector is his most beloved and Priam confirms this with his actions. The praise that is heaped upon Hector after his body is returned to Troy is immense and includes tributes from Andromache, Priam, Hecabe and even Helen of Sparta. Helen summarizes beautifully the warm human spirit that people loved in Hector.

“Hector, you were the dearest in my heart of all my husband’s kinfolk. Truly my husband is the godlike Alexander who brought me here to Troy and would that I had died before that. It is now the twentieth year that I have been gone from my beloved homeland and in all that time I never heard an evil or spiteful word from you, and if any other in the hall tried to reproach me, a brother or sister of yours or a brother’s fair-robed wife or your mother, but your father was ever gentle to me as if he were my own, then you would have turned them aside with your words and restrained them with your gentle manner and your gentle speech. So I weep for you and for me with luckless grief in my heart, for no longer do I have a friend in the broad land of Troy, but all men gaze upon me and shudder.”

            Homer tells us that his Iliad is the story of the wrath of Achilles and the Trojan War provides the setting for the telling of that tale. But is it really a story about anger and war? Perhaps if we look more closely at the tender interactions that we witness between its main characters, we will instead come to the conclusion that, in the final analysis, the Iliad is a love story.

            Love also plays an important role in Homer’s Odyssey. It is the story of a man, driven by love for his family, his people and his kingdom, who endures all manner of hardships to return to those whom he loves. It is the story of a loving and faithful wife who strives endlessly to keep safe her son and her home, hoping that her beloved husband will one day return to her. It is the story of a loving son who sets out to find his beloved father, seeking to honour his life and to preserve his memory. Homer was a true romantic and the Odyssey is as much a love story as the Iliad is.

            We first find Odysseus on Calypso’s island, having spent the past seven years there, no doubt enjoying himself, but at the same time languishing and longing for home. When the queenly nymph approached him,

She found him sitting on the seashore with his eyes always full of tears and his sweet life wasting away and longing for his return home, for the nymph no longer gratified him. At night he would sleep in the hollow grotto against his will with the willing nymph, but in the daytime he would sit on the rocks and the sands shedding tears with groaning and grieving and looking out over the restless sea.

Odysseus tells her, “I long every day to see my home and to see the day of my return there.”  Later he explains to the Princess Nausicaa, “For nothing is greater or better than this, than when a man and his wife dwell together in the same house and achieve a unity of spirit and thereby give much pain to their enemies and much joy to their well-wishers and they understand this best themselves.” This return of a hero to his home, or ‘νόστος’ as the ancient Greeks called it, is what drives Odysseus onwards. The story of the Odyssey is about his terrible journey, but he is willing to endure that terror because of all that exists at the destination, the love of his family and his people. His deep longing to once more embrace Penelope and Telemachus builds his endurance and his willingness to keep moving forward, despite all the obstacles placed in his way during his long travels.

            Waiting for him is Ithaca is his faithful wife Penelope. When Phemius the bard begins to sing once more about the return of the Achaeans from Troy, she begs him,

“Phemius, you know many things that are charming to mortals, the deeds of men and gods that you make famous in song. Sing about one of these as you sit here and let them drink their wine in silence. Cease this baneful song for it distresses my dear heart and above all other women it brings me sorrows that cannot be forgotten. It reminds me so much of that dear head, my husband, whose fame is so well known in Hellas and throughout the middle of Argos.”

            For a period of three years Penelope fools the arrogant suitors by weaving a funeral shroud for Laertes during the day and then letting out the stitches at night, telling them that she will marry one of them when she has finished the task. Her cunning and her patience demonstrate the great love that she bears for Odysseus, remarkable when one considers that he has been absent for twenty years. The pressure that has been put on her by the suitors is enormous and her steadfastness in the face of these forces is a symbol of her love and devotion for her husband and the sanctity of their marriage. So many characters in the Odyssey are shown as being shallow and fickle, even Odysseus at times, like when he succumbs to the sexual wiles of Calypso and Circe, but Penelope always remains strong, and Homer positions this strength of hers in direct contrast to the lack of such fortitude in those others. Even when he returns to Ithaca and she is overjoyed at the prospect of his coming home, she very carefully tests the disguised beggar to ensure that he is really her beloved husband. She takes no chances of bestowing her affections on anyone other than Odysseus.

            The fame and reputation and love of the steadfast Penelope live on forever and are still sung by the bard in the words of the ghost of Agamemnon, who tells Odysseus,

“Blessed son of Laertes, resourceful Odysseus, the wife you acquired was full of great goodness and the prudent Penelope, daughter of Icarius, had good understanding in that she was loyal to you Odysseus, her wedded husband. Therefore her fame will never die out but the immortals will create for the men on earth a pleasant song of the virtue of the constant Penelope.”

            The filial love that Telemachus shows for his father in the Odyssey is quite different. It is safe to say that the son never knew the father, for Odysseus left Ithaca for the Trojan War when Telemachus was still a babe in the arms of his mother. We can assume that Telemachus must have been about twelve years of age when any Ithacans who returned from the war spread the news about the exploits of their king in battle. Odysseus took ten years to return to his home, so Telemachus must have been in his early twenties by this time. He does express great love and admiration for his father, but not on the basis of a warm and loving personal relationship. Instead, Telemachus is most concerned with preserving his father’s ‘Κλέος’, or honour and glory. Had Odysseus died on the battlefield of Troy, he would have been honoured with elaborate funeral rites and a barrow would have been erected in his memory. But the fate of Odysseus is uncertain, and this is the reason for Telemachus making his journey to Pylos and Sparta to see if he can gather news about his father’s whereabouts from Nestor and Menelaus. It is the responsibility of a loving son to ensure the immortality of his father’s reputation. Telemachus says,

“For I shall go to Sparta and to sandy Pylos to seek news of the return of my long-gone father to his home and to see if perchance any mortal man can tell me of this or if I may hear the words of Zeus which often carry messages to mortal men. If I hear that my father lives and is returning home, then even though I bear great pain, I could endure it for another year. But if I hear that he is dead and gone, then I will return to my dear fatherland, erect a funeral barrow for him and perform funeral rites for him as is his due and then give over my mother in marriage.”

            There are other characters in the Odyssey who demonstrate love and affection. The nurse Eurycleia shows her love and affection for Odysseus while she is washing the feet of the beggar and she recognizes the scar on her master’s leg. Eumaeus, the loyal swineherd of Odysseus, treats his master in disguise with kindness and respect and then works closely with him in planning and carrying out the battle with the arrogant suitors. His love and loyalty are instrumental in the success of Odysseus in regaining his kingdom. The old man Laertes bears a long and enduring love for his missing son and is so affected by his long absence, that he lives the life of a disheveled recluse. Laertes is overcome with emotion when his son finally reveals his presence to him,

Thus he spoke and the father’s knees buckled and his dear heart melted, for he recognized with certainty the signs that Odysseus had pointed out. He threw his arms around his dear son and the much-enduring godlike Odysseus caught him as he fell fainting.

            There are three characters in the Odyssey who appear to show love but whose motivations might be considered suspect at best, Calypso, Circe and Nausicaa. The nymph Calypso expresses great love for Odysseus and offers him immortality if he will remain with her as her husband. Odysseus stays for seven years, all the while enjoying his pleasure with her, but at the same time longing to return home. The fact that Calypso holds him captive for such a long time against his will makes one question the sincerity of her love for him. It is only by divine intervention that she lets him go free.

The second character to fall in love with Odysseus is the sorceress Circe. After a rough start to their relationship with the incident of the pigs, she settles down and the two of them spend a year in an intimate relationship. But one has to question whether Circe’s love for Odysseus is true love or merely hero worship. She is taken with his power and his battle scars and admires his prowess and bravery as a warrior. You get the feeling that Circe would have felt the same way about any strongman who washed ashore on her island, and this one just happened to be Odysseus. Eventually however, she respects his wishes and reluctantly she assists him in his return home.

Likewise, Nausicaa’s love for Odysseus is nothing more than a schoolgirl crush. She and her handmaidens discover a naked stranger washed ashore on their island and the girl, though initially frightened, becomes fascinated by his appearance, his charm and his eloquent manner of speaking. She tells a friend that she would most certainly prefer a husband like this and her parents also hint that such a union would be approved by them. Nausicaa is a potential love interest for Odysseus but nothing happens between them, and eventually the princess Nausicaa and her mother Queen Arete assist Odysseus on his journey home.

I am not a great fan of artificial intelligence, but sometimes the tool can summarize things very nicely. When I Googled ‘Love in Homer’, the following was the result and it says it all,

“In Homer’s epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey, love is a complex and multifaceted theme, encompassing both passionate attraction and deep affection, particularly within the context of marriage and family. While the two epics primarily focus on themes of war, heroism and divine intervention, they also explore the dynamics of love, loyalty and familial bonds.”